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Old 07-23-2013, 01:28 PM   #91
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Re: Time to laugh

A friend of mine does air conditioning work. One morning, he was at Reba's house. Yes, the famous country singer.
He was in her kitchen, which had a side door. He was doing some ductwork when a woman in curlers knocks on that door.
He looks at the woman through the glass in the locked door for 30 seconds and does nothing to open the door.
Finally, he opens the door and asks, may I help you? The woman says, don't you know who I am?
He says, Well, you're a pretty lady, but you're sure no Reba McEntire!
It was, indeed, Reba though. Being a kind person with a sense of humor, she laughed about the whole thing.
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Old 07-23-2013, 09:28 PM   #92
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Re: Time to laugh

When I was in the NAVY, I was told a #itching sailor is a happy sailor. If you told him all he had to do was come in and collect his paycheck every two weeks. He would ask "Why can't it be direct deposited?"
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Old 07-29-2013, 04:01 PM   #93
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Re: Time to laugh

Yesterday I noticed that there was a rabbit sitting next to one of the peach trees.

I had seen some rabbits here before. I thought it was very unusual that this rabbit was just sitting still there by the tree.

I went out to get some breakfast at McDonald's. I came back to see that this rabbit was still sitting by the tree.

I thought that it was very strange.

I felt compelled to go to see the rabbit. It was strange that the rabbit did not move as I approached it.

I know that my eyes are not working very well.

So, I got next to the rabbit, and I nudged it with my foot.

I laughed very much when I realized how life-like the plastic fake rabbit looked .

I have told you about the big Blue Heron bird and the donkey and the chickens that are here. They are real.

The rabbit is not.

I still laugh at that.
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Old 07-29-2013, 04:13 PM   #94
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Re: Time to laugh

Are you sure?
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Old 07-29-2013, 04:33 PM   #95
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Re: Time to laugh

Bansil, you make me laugh.

I have actually seen the Blue Heron, the chickens, and the donkey move.

The donkey is very friendly. One day, he was rubbing against me. That was sweet. Then he accidentally stepped on my foot. That hurt.
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Old 07-29-2013, 04:53 PM   #96
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Re: Time to laugh

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Old 07-29-2013, 06:18 PM   #97
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Re: Time to laugh

Rat Hunt.

I am not sure if this story is funny. I do know that it was fun and quite daring.

When I was 10 and 11 years old, my family lived in an apartment. The apartment buildings were usually three stories tall, and they all had basements (cellars), where each apartment had a storage section.

We lived near the Park river. We called it the Hog river.

Often times, we kids (lots of kids to play with), would explore the basements of these old apartment buildings.

What we noticed was that there were always giant rats hanging around down there. Some of them were a foot long.

I got this idea to start a game called Rat Hunt.

So, I got together a bunch of kids to go to battle.

The older kids, of which I was one, were the warriors. The second in command were the flashlight holders. The third rank were the ones who held the bricks and rocks.

Here is the arrangement of the war on rats: The older guys would get trash can lids. Back then, all of the trash cans were made of metal.

We used these trash can lids as shields.

The second rank would hold the flashlights while the front row would corner the giant rats into a corner. At that point, the first rank would put out their hand, and the third rank would hand us a brick or a rock.

Then, we would proceed to stone the rat.

I knew that when you corner a giant rat and start stoning it, the rat will jump at you. That is why we had the metal trash can lids to knock it back into the corner.

I have to to tell you that it was scary and exciting at the same time. It was so awesome to smash that rat back into the corner with our trash can lids. I still remember the sound.

I imagine that you may wonder how many strikes that it took to bring those giant rats to their demise.

I will tell you that after about 7 direct hits, the vermin animal would be convulsing and not jumping at us anymore. Usually, ten strikes were enough to put it out of it's misery.

I know that this is not a very funny story, however, we were performing a service for the people in those apartment buildings.

And yes, we did dispose of the giant rats by throwing them back into the Hog river from which they came.
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Old 07-29-2013, 09:51 PM   #98
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Re: Time to laugh

Rudy, that was an interesting slice of life, albeit gruesome. You could probably write a book with the wealth of stories you have to offer.

Regarding rabbits, beware of white rabbits with pocket watches. You follow those at your own peril.
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Old 07-29-2013, 10:09 PM   #99
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Re: Time to laugh

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Okay, I just remembered a prankster story. Again, many years ago, I was working at an institution for severely and profoundly retarded people. Basically, they had the minds of two or three year olds, but the bodies of adults. They also had a whole range of other psychiatric and physical disabilities and often bizarre behaviors they had picked up from being retarded and growing up living in such a bizarre place as an institution for retarded people. I was sort of a combination of security guard and babysitter and nurse. I would often come home to my girlfriend (now my wife) with crazy stories of crazy people doing crazy things. So anyways, one of the shift supervisors was a really fun and kinda crazy guy named Earl. One day my girlfriend came to visit me for whatever reason, at work. This was the first time she had ever been there, and she had never met any of my coworkers. The buildings were all locked down, since some of the residents would be at increased risk for hurting themselves or others if they got outside unsupervised. One of the aides (or accomplice, in this case) opened the door and let my girlfriend in, and on cue, Earl came running down the hall screaming like a lunatic, waving his arms around in air, and generally acting like he was one of the residents rather than staff. He was very convincing in his performance. My wife did not know what to do. The accomplice was pretending to contain Earl, holding him back as he was trying to get at my girlfriend to do whatever crazy thing her imagination might have conjured up. So he breaks free and runs up to her, and as she is recoiling in horror, he stops in his tracks and greets her in a most gentlemanly and sane manner, much to her confused amazement. We all got a good laugh out of that one!
I just had a vision of him trying that on my wife. I see two possible outcomes: one, Earl gets a steel-toe boot in the crotch and/or a left hook in the jaw. Two, Earl finds himself looking down the barrel of a loaded, pistol, safety off, hammer cocked.
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Old 07-29-2013, 10:11 PM   #100
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Re: Time to laugh

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Accordion
I used to teach guitar playing. I once had a student who played left handed. He was missing both of his pinky fingers. That did not stop him. He was one of my most enthusiastic students.
Jerry Garcia lost the middle finger of his right hand in a wood chopping accident as a child. I guess that's why he was a flat-picker.

Oh wait... this is the humor thread, not the music thread... I got confused!
Ozzy Osborne's guitarist lost three fingers in the metal shop where he worked. He de-tuned his guitar, made "fingertips" out of plastic...and that detuned guitar gave Black Sabbath their distinctive sound.
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