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Old 07-29-2013, 10:31 PM   #101
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Re: Time to laugh

My brother was the original walking catastrophe. He could fall off the floor, fall up the stairs, and trip on linoleum. All before lunch.

He was about eight years old, using the boys' room at school. He went in, did his business, washed his hands, went to leave. As he tended to do, he gave the 4x7', 3" thick, solid-maple door a mighty shove...then paused and turned to look back, for some reason. For obvious reasons, the door hit its stop and rebounded...and said door hit him square in the melon. My mother made the drive home from work (40 miles) in 28 minutes. By the time she got there, he was conscious again. After getting home, he got out of the car, stood up...turned the wrong way, walked into the car mirror, and fell into the shrubbery. Deducing he had a concussion, she took him to the ER.

I'd say the door knocked him silly...but he started that way.

Two lessons to keep in mind here:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
An object in motion tends to stay in motion until...THUMP!
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Old 07-30-2013, 05:03 AM   #102
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Re: Time to laugh

Diesel Dan wrote:
Okay, I just remembered a prankster story. Again, many years ago, I was working at an institution for severely and profoundly retarded people. Basically, they had the minds of two or three year olds, but the bodies of adults. They also had a whole range of other psychiatric and physical disabilities and often bizarre behaviors they had picked up from being retarded and growing up living in such a bizarre place as an institution for retarded people. I was sort of a combination of security guard and babysitter and nurse. I would often come home to my girlfriend (now my wife) with crazy stories of crazy people doing crazy things. So anyways, one of the shift supervisors was a really fun and kinda crazy guy named Earl. One day my girlfriend came to visit me for whatever reason, at work. This was the first time she had ever been there, and she had never met any of my coworkers. The buildings were all locked down, since some of the residents would be at increased risk for hurting themselves or others if they got outside unsupervised. One of the aides (or accomplice, in this case) opened the door and let my girlfriend in, and on cue, Earl came running down the hall screaming like a lunatic, waving his arms around in air, and generally acting like he was one of the residents rather than staff. He was very convincing in his performance. My wife did not know what to do. The accomplice was pretending to contain Earl, holding him back as he was trying to get at my girlfriend to do whatever crazy thing her imagination might have conjured up. So he breaks free and runs up to her, and as she is recoiling in horror, he stops in his tracks and greets her in a most gentlemanly and sane manner, much to her confused amazement. We all got a good laugh out of that one!


Dan, I knew you have good stories. It will be great to hear some more.
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Old 07-30-2013, 05:07 AM   #103
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Re: Time to laugh

I lived in the 66 Chevy motorhome for many years. I had a doberman dog named Abby.

Abby was prone to let out some stinky farts.

One day, I must have eaten some raw cabbage. If you know anything about raw cabbage, you know that you will expel a green cloud of very smelly gases. They are almost caustic, and will surely send people running.

So, that evening, my ex wife and I are laying in the bed, and I let out a horrendous gas.

Immediately, we both smell it, and I say "Abby, you stinky dog"!!! I say to my ex, get under the blanket, and you won't smell it.

So, she gets under the blanket, and immediately screams and jumps out of the bed.

Just too funny!!!
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Old 07-30-2013, 05:09 AM   #104
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Re: Time to laugh

It never occurred to me that some dogs are mentally retarded. I discovered early on that my dog, Abby, actually was.
I was doing some remodel work on a house. The woman who owned the house suggested that I bring Abby over to play with her Dobie. So, I did.
The back yard had a pool, and next to that was a three foot concrete wall at the bottom of a steep hill. Her dobie would jump the wall and play on the steep hill which was all part of the yard.
Abby would play with her dog, but when her dog would go to the hilly part, Abby would just stand at the wall, wondering how she could get up there. I guess it never occurred to Abby that all she had to do was jump the wall. I watched her for three days whining as to why she couldn't be up there playing with the other dog. I suspected, at that point, that Abby was short of a full load.
What happened next totally convinced me that Abby was, indeed, severely lacking in brain power. Abby was on one side of the pool, the other dog was on the other side of the pool. Abby wants to go say hi. She walks towards the pool and continues walking as if there is no water there. (Maybe she thought she could walk on water).
So she continues walking forward and walks right into the pool! The look of surprise on her face was priceless. I laughed so hard watching her try to swim around and get out of the pool. She kept swimming in a circle while I laughed hysterically. I actually had to grab her front legs and pull her out.
Well, she only did that once. She then kept her distance form the pool. Maybe she had just a little more brains than I gave her credit for.
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Old 07-30-2013, 10:26 AM   #105
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Re: Time to laugh

There must be some childish part of our brains that never moves past potty humor. Just at the first mention of the word "fart" I was already laughing. See?! There I go again! FART!

Rudy, I'm sure I have plenty of stories floating around somewhere in that brain of mine, but damned if I can remember them. In fact, I'm convinced now that there is a good reason why I can't remember these stories, having something to do with the fact that whenever I do remember a story it is too incriminating to put up on the internet! I reserve the right to remain silent, as anything I say can and may well be used against me. And especially given that various and nefarious entities are gathering as much of our personal information as possible for purposes that surely are not to our advantage.
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Old 07-30-2013, 01:16 PM   #106
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Re: Time to laugh

A few years ago, there was a movie that "came out" which was called Brokeback Mountain. I did not see the movie, but I understand that it was about two cowboys that were gay.

That is not a new premise. A long time ago there was a movie about two Irish policemen who were gay. It starred Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.
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Old 07-31-2013, 04:39 PM   #107
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Re: Time to laugh

A foursome goes out for a fine day of golfing. Two men and their wives. On the third tee, everyone hits a good shot except that one guy hits way to the right.
All four of them go looking for the ball. They eventually find it settled next to an old barn.
His buddy says " I've got an idea". " Why not open up the back door, and open up the front door, and play right through?"
So, they open the doors. The guy takes a monstrous swing. The ball goes up, hits a rafter, comes down and hits his wife in the head and knocks her dead instantly. Tragic!
Two years later, this guy is out with two male friends playing another 18 holes. On the third tee, he hits nearly the same shot.
They all go looking for the ball. One of his friends says, "Hey, I got an idea". "Why not open the back door and the front door and play right through?"
He says, Oh No No No! "The last time I did that, I got a seven".
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:59 PM   #108
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Re: Time to laugh

Thirty five years ago, this country was not such a paranoid place. I was a young man and went to see Stanley Kubrick's movie called A Clockwork Orange at a theater.
I went alone and was sitting next to a woman on my right. Apparently, I was bored with the movie early on. I fell asleep.
It was not until the end of the movie that I realized what had transpired. In my sleep, I had leaned over and rested my head on the woman's shoulder.
Upon awakening, at the end of the movie, I realized my imposition on my seat neighbor. I quickly apologized. She said that it was no problem.
To this day, I still marvel at the kindness this stranger showed to me.
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:50 PM   #109
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Re: Time to laugh

Same woman today would have slapped you silly!
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Old 07-31-2013, 10:23 PM   #110
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Re: Time to laugh

Rudy, I had a similar experience in my mid-20's. I was putting in a lot of miles on Greyhound buses during that part of my life, and during one journey I was sitting next to a young black girl who must have been around 13 or 14 years old. Anyways, she fell asleep and ended up with her head on my shoulder. I remember wondering if I should wake her up or not, but felt like she needed the rest and it's not like I needed to go anywhere so why not just let it be. It was actually kind of sweet in a way. I felt like a sort of surrogate older brother for those few hours. I think she was a bit embarrassed when she woke up, but I didn't mind.
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