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Old 08-14-2013, 04:54 AM   #131
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Re: Time to laugh

How did that song go?

If I had a hammer...

... I'd probably hit my thumb.
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:07 PM   #132
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Re: Time to laugh

During my later teenage years and into my early 20's I was into being weird, just because it was fun (my wife would argue I have never stopped that habit, but I feel like I've gotten less weird with age). And so I was with a friend of mine and we were about to stop in at a restaurant bar that we knew would serve minors (whether or not I was a minor at the time, I cannot remember ). As I parked the van (a 1967 VW Bus covered in hippie type stickers), I remembered that I had a couple of clown masks left over from Halloween which happened to be in the back seat. Being of unsound mind, I convinced my friend that we should put on the masks and walk into the bar and just act like nothing was unusual. I guess I fancied myself to be doing some kind of tribute to Wavy Gravy. So we walked in and sauntered up to the bar and ordered drinks. The rest of the story is shrouded in the mists of time and vagaries of memory loss, but looking back now, I feel like I was lucky the bartender didn't pull out a shotgun and/or call the cops. I do remember the look on his face was not one of amusement, as might befit a reaction to a clown. I guess it's all about context.
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:12 PM   #133
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Re: Time to laugh

Clowns are creepy
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:17 PM   #134
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Re: Time to laugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by bansil
Clowns are creepy
Double
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:23 PM   #135
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Re: Time to laugh

one day along,long time ago (pre-2nd wife)

Randy and I decided to ride around the Holston mountain one cold wintery night

We loaded up with Crown and mountain dew and set off in his mid 80's dodge pickup.

We ended up down at Big Creek (party spot at lake)

it was cold and we decided to build a fire in front of the truck, so wind wouldn't blow it around. (safety)

At some point we decided to burn the spare tire ..........hey,hey!! (at least we cut off the valve stem first)

neither of us remembered who drove or how we got home (we were there tho')

We went out side in the morning and looked at the truck SHIAT!!!

the front and top of the truck was covered in black soot....the grill and turn signals were melted and coated the steel bumper and the head lights were cracked
.
.
we spent the day at JY and fixed the truck up except the paint and we partied at home that night
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:48 PM   #136
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Re: Time to laugh

Remember that SNL digital short "Dick in a Box"?

Well, for Christmas a couple years ago, I decided to replicate that idea and give my wife the gift that keeps on giving...
Only problem was that she was laughing so hard I was not able to move on to phase 2 of my plan for that evening.
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Old 08-14-2013, 03:19 PM   #137
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Re: Time to laugh

^LOLOL!!

I actually have one, related to Bansil's.

I used to work for a plastics manufacturing company as a jack of all trades. One of my jobs was to drive the straight truck and do deliveries and also maintain it. We loaned it to another local company for a weekend, and when I got it back, it would barely drive down the road. Turned around quick and headed back to the shop. Opened up the tank and took a wiff. Gas. Not so great for a 5.9 cummins. Called the driver up and called him on it, which he of course denied "I've been driving truck for XX years and there is no way I would make that mistake!!" Started swearing at me and I hung up on him. Whatever, Turbo. Couldn't drive the truck anywhere to get serviced and I needed the truck to make a delivery that morning.

It was winter and I had a genius plan to drain the fuel onto this large open area that was iced over behind a loading dock. It was a low area and I figured I would just torch it right away. Yeah...I know. Well, the diesel/gasoline pooled perfect, just as I hoped. It was a good 20' from both the truck and the building so I figured it I was good to go. I honestly don't know what I was picturing. I think I was picturing like a 5-10' flame that would spread nice and even and diperse quickly. Wow, just wow. What resulted was a 50' fire tornado that melted the grill, cracked the windshield, torched the blinkers, and blacked out the sun. The building started creaking.

That was a fun one to tell my boss. He just stood there, dumbfounded, trying not to laugh. I would love to say that was my last mishap with fire, but nay...
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Old 08-14-2013, 03:53 PM   #138
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Re: Time to laugh

Yah, gas and diesel burn rate.

On our horse farm I use to have a large bon-fire to burn the limbs that came out of our trees. I always started the fire with diesel because it is slow to start. One friend who thought he was smarter than me decided to help and got one of my gas fuel containers. He walked up to the starting fire and poured gas and stepped back to show how much better it was going, as we all watched the fire follow the gas fumes coming from the open container. He started to run backwards, but the fire was quicker and finally started to burn the arm of his coat. Then he dropped the container and really started to run.

Like Jake said 50í fire tornado, luckily it just burned grass. We had to tackle him to put out his arm. Iím glad he was smarter than me.
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Old 08-14-2013, 04:19 PM   #139
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Re: Time to laugh

We were in the motor pool sitting on the tanks (M1A1's) when one of our mechanics came down and said "they issued a directive not to use the smoke generators because the fuel is the wrong kind and it will shoot a blue flame out the back and prolonged use will melt the engines exhaust plenum"

first off; some back ground... our tanks had a 1200HP jet turbine than ran on the same fuel as jets..dugh

well apparently they changed fuel types during Desert Storm and didn't tell anyone about this (we used them all the time in the Desert)

2nd ...this is not something you tell a Corporal and a E-4

Clark looked at me and I jumped up and went to the drivers hatch, kneeled down and hit the start button....after the idle steadied;

He said (direct order from a higher ranking person in my chain of command) hit the smoke generator!!!!!

the idle kicked up and hardly any smoke came out!!!!...but this pretty blue after burner looking death fire thing (it didn't really have a shape except it was hot) proceeded to melt the galvanizing off the motor pool fence in a perfect circle about 36 inches round (the tank was a couple feet away, with one back door open at the time).....really fast...shut it off...and locked up tank and left.

Clark stopped at the store that night and bought a spray can of silver paint for the fence....
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Old 08-14-2013, 04:31 PM   #140
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Re: Time to laugh

I had hired a friend to help me with a project at some woman's house. She made us sandwiches for lunch.

Half way through the sandwiches I looked at my friend and asked him if there was something strange about the ham and cheese sandwiches.

I opened mine up to discover that the woman had failed to remove the plastic wrap around the american cheese slices.

My friend had not even noticed.
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