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Old 05-17-2012, 02:14 PM   #21
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Re: Time to laugh

A friend posted this on another forum and I had to share:



I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
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lu·di·crous [loo-di-kruhs]
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causing laughter because of absurdity; provoking or deserving derision; ridiculous; laughable

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Old 05-18-2012, 01:04 AM   #22
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Re: Time to laugh

lol nice!
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:25 AM   #23
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Re: Time to laugh

Five words: high school prom. Punch. Everclear.

(No, wasn't me.)
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Old 07-07-2012, 02:52 AM   #24
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Re: Time to laugh

Being a curious sort, one of the things I would do as a youngster was to try and hold back the water in the bathroom sink with my thumb over the spout as I was washing my hands. It never worked, of course, as the pressure was too great, and all I did was spray water around the sink. But I would repeatedly keep trying, I don't know why.

One day, I went in to use the facilities. My father was doing something in the kitchen, and my mother was with him observing or assisting. After I took care of business, I went to wash my hands. I turned the hot water on, and nothing came out. My father had apparently turned it off in the basement for some reason. I turned on the cold, and washed my hands with that.

Then, out of force of habit. I put my thumb over the spout again. Wonder of wonders, I could now hold back the water!!!

That lasted for a couple of seconds, when it was interrupted by sudden loud noises from the kitchen, followed by rapid adult footsteps coming in my direction.

The reason my father had turned off the hot water was so he could work on the hot side of the kitchen faucet. He was lying in the cabinet underneath the sink with the hot water pipe between the floor and the faucet removed. Maybe the cold side had a local shut off, and the hot didn't.

Anyway, it turns out that I hadn't actually 'held back' the water as I had supposed. With both the hot and cold bathroom faucets turned on, I had merely shunted the cold water back into the de-pressurized hot water piping. The result was that I gave my father a quite unexpected icy cold shower from the open pipe . . . . . .
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Old 07-07-2012, 01:27 PM   #25
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Re: Time to laugh

LOL

Classic!
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Old 07-09-2012, 04:26 PM   #26
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Re: Time to laugh

LOL thats awesome!!
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Old 07-24-2012, 07:59 AM   #27
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Re: Time to laugh

This one was contributed by Ol Trunt on the short bus conversion thread.


A cop (who'd have guessed) was parked next to a bar known to serve too much booze to it's customers. Just before closing time a guy staggers out of the bar and starts trying his key in various cars. Finally he finds his own car and gets in. The cop watches as the guy flips on the wipers (dry night)and turns them off again. People leave the bar and drive off. The guy starts his car and drives forward 3 feet and stops. More people leave and drive off. Next the guy backs up about 3 feet and stops. Most of the rest of the patrons leave and drive away. The guy now slowly drives out of the parking lot and the cop promptly pulls him over. The cop has the guy blow into the breathalizer and discovers a reading of zero alcohol. Mystified the cop tells the guy that the breathalyzer must not be working and that the guy will have to come to the station with him for a retest. The guy tells the cop that it won't do any good--the reading will still be zero. The cop asks why and the guy says that he hasn't had any alcohol because he is the designated decoy for the night
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:21 PM   #28
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Re: Time to laugh

#5
lmao!!!
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:03 AM   #29
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Re: Time to laugh

LOL!!!
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Old 05-02-2013, 07:04 PM   #30
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Re: Time to laugh

Now, I want to tell you about when I was attacked by a very large turkey. I will preface by saying that I have been bitten by a dog, kicked in the chest by a goat ( that one knocked the wind out of me, and nearly broke a rib), charged by a 600lb boar, charged by a large deer, charged by a rather large cow, and splashed by a beaver while I was in a canoe on a moonlit night. That beaver almost tipped the canoe over.

Well, let's get back to the turkey attack. I was living in Connecticut and working as a carpenter. I was going to visit Tim, who I learned a great deal about all phases of the work from. Tim had some farm animals.
Some of them were white turkeys that he raised for meat.

OH, just a little side note before I progress with the turkey story. I mentioned earlier in this thread about another friend's three guard geese. They were very territorial. Whenever I visited him, they would greet me in a non friendly manner. One time, one of them bit my pant leg. Fortunately, It did not have teeth like a dog does.

So let's get back to the turkeys. Apparently, they become territorial as well. At Tim's house, there were six white turkeys. One of those turkeys had not been slaughtered the year before, so it grew to be an enormous creature. It stood at least 2 1/2 feet tall and probably weighed 50lbs.

Well, I get out of the van, and I see, about twenty feet away that this "Monster Turkey" and the five smaller ones in back of it start waddling in my direction. I did not think much of it, as I had never been attacked by a turkey before.

So I watch with curiosity as they keep forging forward. Now the strangest thing happens to the lead turkey. All of a sudden, his whole head goes from a red color to black. Then an even weirder thing happens. A noodle type appendage grows out from it's forehead and then dangles down several inches in between it's eyes.

Actually it was quite alarming and grotesque at the same time. While all this is happening, The "big guy" keeps on advancing towards me while his clan waddle along behind him. Now the "bad boy" is two feet in front of me looking like something out of a Clive Barker movie, and what does he do?

He spreads out his wings and jumps at me. Instinctively, I turn to the side and he bounces off of my hip and falls down onto the ground. I look at his followers and they stopped their advance.

Well, wouldn't you know it, as soon as the "warrior" regains his balance, he makes another leap at me. This time I was prepared. I figured he did not have too many attack strategies.

So I stood face to face with the ugly creature and waited until he was two feet in the air and I kicked him as hard as I could in the chest. This time, he didn't just fall down, he went rolling back about five feet.

I then looked into his tiny black eyes and asked him if he wanted more. At that point I figured that he was embarrassed, so he turned around and all those stupid creatures waddled away.

Fact is stranger than fiction.
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