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Old 05-10-2013, 06:38 AM   #51
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Re: Time to laugh

Another fun trick I used to do was this. That is to smash instruments on a stool. Let me give you the scenario.

On the weekends, I would go to flea markets in search of cheap and unplayable instruments. They were usually guitars or mandolins. At that time, I could get them for five or ten dollars.

On this caper, Fran was aware of my ploy. By the way, we were a hot duo and always got the audience fired up. So, I would wait until the crowd was really roaring (usually the third set when they were all boozed up) and then I would pull this trick on them.

I would make sure to have a wooden stool in front of me. Right after Fran and I had finished a rip-roarin' song, I would pick up my flea market instrument and say "All right, let's go!!"

So we would light off on to another song. About five seconds into it I would stop us both and say to the audience, "Oh sorry, I gotta tune this thing". So I would pretend to tune it.

Now, off we go again, and the audience did not think anything of that little delay, and they are now exuding the excitement from all the powerhouse playing we have been doing all night.

BUT WAIT!! Another ten seconds goes by, and I do the same thing and stop the song and apologize for not having this instrument in tune. At this point, I can here some hems and haws from the audience.

I know that their patience is getting low. They must be thinking, why can't this guy tune that thing? Well, being the BIG JOKESTER guy that I am, I dare to do this procedure two more times.

By this time, I am hearing much cussing, and people yelling PLAY THE F...ing song!!!. It is then that I say F..k it, and smash the instrument on the stool in front of me. That stunt ALWAYS brought the house down. OH WHAT FUN!!!
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:46 AM   #52
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Re: Time to laugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Part-time
When I was in my early 20's I lived and worked on a guest ranch near Whitehorse YT. One of my co-workers and also my best friend when I was up there was born with only half his arms and feet. This guy was about 5'9" and his feet were only 4" or 5" long which made him walk kind of weird. His arms stopped where his elbows should have been and he had a thumb and one finger at the end of the stub on both arms.
This guy could saddle and ride better than me any day. Not once did I ever see or hear of him falling off a horse.
Mind you one day I could have killed him... I got thrown from what was supposed to be the gentlest little mare we had (The saddle was loose and turned when she decided to make an unexpected right turn).
I was a bit scratched up in the face from the face plant but when someone back at the ranch would ask me what happened I would just tell them I got scratched from some low branches... (not really a lie at all )
But that son of a gun Brian was going around telling everybody that those "low branches" were merely inches from the ground!

And something else.
I never once heard Brian say he couldn't do something, he just hadn't learned how yet.
He drove a standard pick up truck, and wrenched on it himself. I saw him change the carb on his old f-150 himself.
He even split his own firewood.
Not that you would want to be anywhere near him when he did, he kind of "threw" the axe at the block of wood more than anything else
I used to teach guitar playing. I once had a student who played left handed. He was missing both of his pinky fingers. That did not stop him. He was one of my most enthusiastic students.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:52 AM   #53
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Re: Time to laugh

Earlier you read about Billy. He's the guy I let drive my 1958 Ford pickup truck on the highway.

So, here's a guy I have only met once in my life, and I got an email from him. Somehow, he located me via the internet. He asked me for my phone number. An hour later the phone rings. It's Billy. WOW! What a treat it was to talk with him. He was so happy to speak with me and could not stop talking about how much it meant to him when I let him drive my truck.

He was also excited about telling me of his latest adventures.

I just can't figure out how Billy does the things he does. Remember, he is totally blind. How does he even dial the phone?

Apparently, Billy's courage grows every day.

Two years ago, he got into skydiving. After a while, he wanted to go solo, but the instructors did not let him. He always went tandem. I think Billy stopped skydiving because they would not let him go solo.

I bet he could do it though. Billy golfs, snow skis, takes subways, and has even tried bowling.

The funniest new hobby he has now, is making quilts.

Now, this one has really got me baffled.
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:23 PM   #54
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Re: Time to laugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Accordion
I used to teach guitar playing. I once had a student who played left handed. He was missing both of his pinky fingers. That did not stop him. He was one of my most enthusiastic students.
Jerry Garcia lost the middle finger of his right hand in a wood chopping accident as a child. I guess that's why he was a flat-picker.

Oh wait... this is the humor thread, not the music thread... I got confused!
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:27 PM   #55
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Re: Time to laugh

One time, At band camp... Oh wait that's not my story.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:58 PM   #56
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Re: Time to laugh

I think that the seller of the truck was "not right".
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Old 05-11-2013, 12:02 AM   #57
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Re: Time to laugh

I get a phone call one day at the music store. A woman asks me if we have any lyres there. Lyre is pronounced liar. It is an old harp type instrument.

I ask the woman if she would like a student lyre or a professional lyre.

She says she was looking for a professional lyre. (sounds like liar).

I said she should look in the phone book under attorneys.

At this point, I can barely withhold my laughing.

THEN, she says, Oh I am married to one.

That is when I fell off my stool!
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:27 AM   #58
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Re: Time to laugh

When I was around 19 or so a buddy and I worked third shift. We got off of work one Friday morning and decided to take a couple hour drive and go to the Jefferson Car Show and Swap up here in Wisconsin. On our way back he was falling a sleep. I told him "don't you be doing that cause I'm tired too." He fell a sleep anyway and as we were driving down Hwy 51 I came up behind a wrecker towing a cab over semi backwards. So I thought to myself, "Self, we are going to fix him". I got right up behind the semi, jacked the brakes and screamed as loud as I could! My buddy woke up to me screaming felt the pull of the brakes, looked out the windshield to see this big semi facing us. He damn near hit the roof and I laughed for the rest of the 30 min drive home.
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Old 05-11-2013, 11:45 PM   #59
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Re: Time to laugh

That is awesome!
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Old 05-12-2013, 07:24 AM   #60
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Re: Time to laugh

When I was in high school, I stole the janitor's large key ring off his desk. Naturally, that gave me access to anywhere in the school.

Once the neighborhood kids figured out that I could open the gym on Saturdays, we all would go play basketball. It worked for a long time.

But that is not the story I want to tell you about. This is it. Having the ability to go anywhere, I started exploring the whole building. I found a room that had a bunch of big air vents in it.

I started crawling around in them and discovered some secret areas. One of them was a vent to the gym. It was very near to the ceiling. It was probably 25 feet up. It was way above the bleachers.

Well, for two years, I had some of the biggest laughs of my youth. You see, I would crawl up in to that vent during basketball games between our high school and other high schools.

So, I'd watch the game for a while, and then (only once or twice a game) I would wait for the opposing team to throw a basket and I would blow the whistle that I would carry with me, just as the guy was going for the basket.

Naturally, he would turn and look at the referee. The ref. would look at him, then the ref (knowing that he did not blow the whistle) would look into the bleachers.

Of course, he never found anyone in the bleachers blowing an unauthorized whistle. That's because it was me hidden in the air vent way above.

Yeah, I did this for two years, and laughed heartily every time. How I got away with it is, I NEVER told anyone that I was doing this, and I never gave away my position, because I never blew that whistle more than twice during any game.
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