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Old 06-11-2013, 05:28 AM   #71
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Re: Time to laugh

Well, It's time for another story. The first year of high school was at the old high school. The second two years was at the brand new school. But, you may ask, that's only three years. That's because we had ninth grade at the junior high.

Getting back to the old high school, there was one day where the whole school was in the auditorium to hear speeches from the principle and a few guest speakers.

Having been seated towards the rear, and in close proximity to my brother, I motioned to him that we should try to sneak out. That is what we did.

Now it was time to have fun. We went to the attic of the auditorium. There we found that the ceiling lamps were on chains that had manual cranking devices to lower them in order to change the bulbs from below.

Naturally, when that process was done by the maintenance crew, they would line up all twenty of them level.

Well, me and my brother spent a half hour slowly lowering all the 20 lights to different heights.

We then secretly returned to the auditorium to see our handiwork. Nobody had even noticed what we did.

I bet the janitor eventually wondered how those lights happened to be so askew!
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Old 06-13-2013, 01:07 PM   #72
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Re: Time to laugh

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer,

"So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

At that point God's phone beeps. "Can you hold, please? Saint Peter is on Line 2."

Curious, Satan replies, "OK."

God asks, "What is it, my son?"

St. Peter explains, "I've got a quandry. This guy admits to thinking about a married woman while...um, using the self-service pump. But he insists that he didn't break any of the Ten Commandments."

God proclaims, "My son, that is non-negotiable. The Tenth Commandment plainly states thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife!"

St. Peter relays the man's argument: "He insists that he did not covet his neighbor's wife, because he lived clear across town!"

God mulls it over and asks, "What perchance did he do for a living?"

Upon hearing the answer, God declares, "Well send him in then!" and puts St. Peter on hold, switches back to Satan and grins. "What a coincidence...my lawyer just showed up!"
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:42 PM   #73
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Re: Time to laugh

Way back when, I was scheduled to go overseas while I was in the military. I had a pet turtle at that time. I asked my mom to watch over him while I was away. She is afraid of all animals, but she said she would do it. Of course, after a few days, she gave my turtle away to someone she knew who would take care of it. So now I am over there and I write her a letter a few months later and tell her that I am sending her some frogs that I bought. I neglected to tell her that they were five stuffed frogs that were propped up to look like they were in a band playing musical instruments. I must say, at this point, that mom is deathly afraid of ALL animals. So the box arrives at the parent's house and it wasn't until I got back home that I found out that she was afraid to open it, and did not open it for weeks, thinking that I had sent her LIVE frogs. It makes me laugh to think of that.
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:44 PM   #74
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Re: Time to laugh

One of my favorite jokes:

The farmer has three daughters who are coming of the dating age. One afternoon, all three of them ask him if they can go out on a date that evening. He agrees.

The first guy shows up at the door and says " Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?"

The farmer laughs and says, sure.

The second guy shows up ten minutes later and says "Hi, I'm Freddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"

The farmer laughs and says, sure.

Ten minutes later, the third guy shows up and says "Hi, I'm Chuck". The farmer says "SHE'S NOT GOING!".
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Old 06-23-2013, 05:47 AM   #75
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Re: Time to laugh

My brother was an only child.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:46 PM   #76
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Re: Time to laugh

My parents had three children - one of each.
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Old 06-26-2013, 10:18 PM   #77
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Re: Time to laugh

THE ENGINE INSTALL: It was in Azusa,California (part of LA) where Bob found the 1966 Chevy truck camper. I was, at that time, living in a 1980 Chevy van. Bob had already found his 1963 Chevy (factory built) camper.


He suggested that I get something bigger than my van to live in. So we go see this guy we affectionately called uncle Bill at his "shady" street corner used car lot.

There was a 1966 Chevy pickup truck with a 10 foot truck camper that someone had done a nice job of permanently installing. It had a 327 engine which had blown a timing chain.

Uncle Bill wanted $2500 for it. He had a mechanic there who was working on installing the new timing chain. Well, Bob and I hung around for hours while Bill assured us that the repair job would fix the problem.

So the "shade tree" mechanic finally gets it put together and goes to fire up the engine. All that happened was a lot of sputtering and a couple of loud pops. I looked at uncle Bill and said that the engine was not going to work.

At that point, he accepted defeat. I knew right then it was time to make my move and get this truck for cheap, so I offered Bill $800 and two banjos. I think the banjos clinched the deal because when I mentioned them, his eyebrows raised. It was a done deal.

I think it was at that time that Bob and I rented a car hauler trailer and towed it to the parking lot of the apartments where Bob was living. Before Bob got his 1963 Chevy, he had a 1966 VW camper van. We parked the 66 Chevy next to that.

Obviously, I needed an engine now. I looked at remanufactured engines at auto part stores, and was going to get one but a friend (probably Joel) said that that was not a wise move. He said that sometimes there is a difference of 30 thousandths diameter between cylinders on those. He suggested that I go see William Loe in Northridge.

William Loe built most of the engines for the stock car racers at Saugus Speedway. I took a trip down there and talked to him. I told him that I wanted a strong engine that would run on regular gas. He built a 383 stroker, which is a 350 block with a 400 crankshaft.

He made it so the compression was 9 1/2 to one so I could use regular gas. What I got from him was just the lower end. I had to get my own valve covers, intake manifold, and carburetor. I used the original "ram style" exhaust manifolds, and I think also the heads.

William Loe charged me $2500 for the work he did. So I haul this motor back to Azusa and now I am needing a place to install it. Bob and I go see Uncle Bill and ask him if we can use his car lot to do the install. He said that it would be OK. Now the work begins.

I had never installed an engine before, so I enlisted the help of Bob and Joel. I rented an engine hoist. We all met at Bill's and the work began. Unfortunately it rained the three days it took us to finish the job. Bob and Joel and I arranged our vehicles so that we could stretch a tarp and make a tent where we could work.

I suggested to Bob that we attach the transmission to the engine and install them both together. It made sense at the time. Well, as hard as we tried, they weren't going to fit in there while they were attached. Being determined to do it this way, I came up with a solution.

I said to Bob, "I'm gonna take a Sawzall and cut the floorboard here and make a flap so we can get this thing in" Bob laughed. He thought that was ridiculous. But I DID cut it and we bent the metal out of the way, and we were able to get the engine and tranny in. Then I just bent the metal back.

Finally the engine is in, and we have the hood installed as well. We are all excited about starting it up. So I crank it over and nothing happens. I figure that the distributor is not in the right place. So I ask Bob to do the turning over of the engine as I try all the possibilities of the distributor placement.

Naturally, after several tries to no avail, the intake manifold becomes full of gasoline. NOW HERE IS THE FUNNY PART. I was telling Bob to turn the key on and, if it didn't start, turn the key off. All that Bob could see of me, who was sitting in the engine compartment, was through the small slot under the hood when it was open.

Apparently there was some miscommunication. I thought the ignition key was off,( but it was still on) So I go to change the distributor to another position and as I am pulling it out, I say to myself "what a pretty blue spark"

It was at that moment that a humongous explosion of fire comes out of the distributor hole. It looked like the trail of a rocket taking off.

Fortunately, I was sitting on the fender. The blast sent me rolling off the fender on to the ground. Now, keep in mind the limited view that Bob had inside the cab. He said to me afterwards, "Oh my God. I blew Rudy up!!!"

Funny thing is that I did not receive any burns. I guess my quick reactions saved me. My quick reflexes is probably why I was a good boxer in my youth. So that is the day that Bob blew Rudy up.
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Old 06-27-2013, 12:43 PM   #78
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Re: Time to laugh

Now although I didn't witness this saw the accident. I was working at an rv park as grounds keeper and an older man was working on his truck. He had it up on ramps it was a stick shift and by chance he needed to replace the parking brake cable or tighten it. Either way no parking brake. So he's working away and his dog who loved riding. A boxer named cadie. Who rode the park in the golf cart with me many times. She jumped in the truck, he had the driver door open guess to check cable tension. So picture it laying under the truck, dog jumps in knocks it out of gear rolls off the ramps. I know (wheel chocks?) So truck rolls out of his spot into the spot across from it. The sad but funny part is it ran over a shitzu in that spot. A dog ran over a dog in a ttuck, cadie sat in the drivers seat the whole time. I didn't see it happen... that is the freakest accident i heard about. The part that was really funny was watching the cops trying not to crack up as they investigated. "So sir you were not in the vehicle as it rolled?" "No officer my dog was".....
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Old 06-30-2013, 09:49 PM   #79
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Re: Time to laugh

Four of us were involved in installing professional pool tables. At lunch, we went to a diner.

I got this idea to goof on our manager.

When he went to the restroom, I quickly called over a waitress, and told her that it was our bosses' birthday (which it was not).

The next thing that happened was when Ken came back to the table that six waitresses came to the table with a cupcake with a lit candle, singing Happy Birthday to our manager.

The funny thing is that it was not his birthday.

The look on his face was memorable.
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Old 07-07-2013, 06:58 AM   #80
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Re: Time to laugh

Here's a story about magic in a magical land. I was visiting my grandpa on his farm when this took place. It won't take too much imagination to see the humor.

So we are sitting on the front porch when a stranger walks by and says to my grandpa, "excuse me sir, I noticed that you have a field of milkweed over there". "Do you mind if I go get a gallon of milk?"

Grandpa says to him, you can't get milk from milkweed!

Well, lo and behold, the stranger comes back after 15 minutes carrying a gallon of milk in his jug. Grandpa looked dumbfounded.

The next day, the stranger comes back around and says "excuse me sir, I noticed that you have eggplant in your garden". "Do you mind if I go get a dozen eggs?"

Grandpa says, you can't get eggs from eggplant.

Well. 15 minutes later, the stranger walks back with a dozen eggs. Grandpa looked surprised.

Later that same day, the stranger walks by and says, "excuse me sir, I noticed that you have a field of pussywillows out there".

Grandpa says, Hold on there, let me get my coat!!!
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