How did you get the wife/GF on board?

Diesel Dan · 01-06-2010, 03:20 PM

I'm sure some of you have shared my experience of having a rather unenthusiastic wife or girlfriend (with respect to the bus). Mine pretty much views this as one of "my" crazy projects, and has pretty much zero buy-in or interest in the matter. She consented to let me buy it, and pretended to agree that this was a good idea, but in actuality, she grits her teeth and tollerates it at best. She has not lifted a finger to help with it, nor does she have any ideas to contribute or interest in talking about it.

I have to give her credit for letting me do my "crazy projects", but I have to say, I envy you guys who have pics of your wives out there working on the bus. It is probably not realistic to think that my wife will actually help in the building of the bus, as she really does not have those kinds of skills, but I would love to have her at least be more enthusiastic about it, and involved in some way.

So for those of you skoolies who are actually still married

, and have seen a transformation in your wife/girlfriend's attitude towards the bus, what was it that caused the transformation?

lornaschinske · 01-06-2010, 05:22 PM

Perhaps you need to talk to HER about it instead of the guys on the BBS. Tell her how you feel and how you would appreciate her input. UNLESS you just shoot down all her ideas (IE: "why do you need a dishwasher.... all you need is a sink and two hands"... usually hers). Does she like RVing or is it just more work for her in a different setting? Is this a "yet another crazy idea" which means $$ tossed down the drain because you don't finish your projects. You may want to go to RV lots and walk thru a few commercial units to see what she likes and doesn't like. It may get her to talking if you let her. Just because she says "that's nice" does not mean she actually wants it. You need to discuss things... what both like, what you both dislike. Things for now and in the future. Don't forget to allow space to "upgrade" later down the road. Can't put a DW in right now? Make one cabinet the size of the DW so you can easily remove it later down the road. Ditto for washer/dryers if you do extended RVing or plan an extended trip.

My mother thinks "roughing it" is getting 2 channels on a B&W TV.

I met David in a state park. We tent camped for years. I also worked with him installing and building cabinets & countertops among other things. I would rather do that than wash dishes or clean house.

It was my idea to move into an RV full-time and dump our house (expensive storage unit). It is a slightly different situation in our case as I'm the one who does all the research and figured out what we want/need in the bus conversion.

Uff Da · 01-07-2010, 12:55 AM

I started showing my wife pictures of other people's conversions on this site. A couple of camping trips showed her lots of people think it is a cool idea. She ended up sewing curtains for all the windows and now has some "ownership" in the conversion. I have a very tolerant wife who supports my crazy endeavours and I love her all the more for it.

Diesel Dan · 01-07-2010, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uff Da

I started showing my wife pictures of other people's conversions on this site. A couple of camping trips showed her lots of people think it is a cool idea. She ended up sewing curtains for all the windows and now has some "ownership" in the conversion. I have a very tolerant wife who supports my crazy endeavours and I love her all the more for it.

I've read comments from others that camping as soon as possible is a good way to get started. I'll have to prioritize my conversion so that I get the minimum requirements for a camping trip in place ASAP, then plan to add on later. I am planning on having a "bus-warming" party in the spring, when I will pick up a bunch of friends and our families will head out to a local state park for a weekend. I think the most fun aspect of camping with the bus will be all the toys we can bring, like bikes and canoes and things like that.

browncrown · 01-07-2010, 01:56 PM

I think your "bus Warming" idea with friends will be a good start. As you make progress and the bus starts to take shape, you'll be surprised at the change in her. Once she can start to see what is now just in your head and what only you are visualizing as the finished product, things will get better

thesaltydog24 · 01-08-2010, 08:28 PM

Hey DD I can feel where your coming from. My fiance hates the idea of a bus conversion, but She has said that I can get a bus which I guess is a good sign. however she has already told me that she will not be camping in it. Well I guess I better pack a tent for her.

Her whole view of it is even after the conversion it is still a school bus and she thinks its really trashy looking. I have even told her and shown her several floor plans, outside design plans which include removal of rub rails and skinning the entire bus and installing RV windows I have shown her the type of bus I plan on getting Thomas RE high topper with belly storage, and I will even be topping it off with a professional paint job. but still no peak in interest. I have even shown her pics of RV accidents and Skoolie accidents and still nothing. At least her son who is 7 thinks its a cool idea. maybe she will change her mind down the road when the conversion starts and she can see better what it will be like. if not I guess I will have one hell of a man cave and be spending some quality time enjoying nature on my own.

Yes she thinks i'm crazy for wanting to convert an old School bus but we will see who the crazy one is when she crawls out of her tent in the middle of the night and wants in the bus because she is too cold. haha to bad the door will be locked.

Chris

Diesel Dan · 01-09-2010, 08:48 AM

Hey Chris, I feel your pain bro - I think you have it worse than me. Actually, I had a glimmer of hope last night for the first time I saw a real glint of enthusiasm and excitement in my wife as I was showing her my latest floorplan ideas, and talking about the planned "bus-warming" party/campout with several of our close friends and their families. I think I warmed her up last week when I sent this link to her: http://errabundusbus.blogspot.com. It's the blog of the wife/mother of a family with lots of kids, and they converted a bus to take vacations, etc. This family home-schools, which, although we do not, appeals to my wife, and is the sort of thing that fits into her overall sense of what is "cool". So I think it helped to show her a family she could relate to doing the bus conversion thing and really loving it and getting a lot of fulfillment out of it. I even had her talking about rigging up awnings and tables that attach to the side of the bus!

thesaltydog24 · 01-09-2010, 10:33 AM

Congratulations on the "glint" DD.

I guess the hardest part of the conversion (getting your wife on board) is now past, even if she isn't totally on board yet at least you had some type of positive reaction. Now only if I could get that same reaction out of mine.

Hopefully one of these days she will change her mind and will find some type of interest in it. I think one of my problems that she has with the bus conversion is I originally planned the bus to be for nascar races. However since then I have changed the idea to a multi use camping and NASCAR bus. I wasn't planning on plastering NASCAR logos all over it because I wanted the bus to be used for other purposes too. I think she just feels that in the end it will look like a bus with NASCAR logos, and funky paint job. (I have even told her it wasn't going to be like that but still she doesn't like the Idea.) Oh well there is still time for her to change her mind later down the road. at least she has told me its ok to get a bus.

Chris

ramairws601 · 01-09-2010, 01:23 PM

got my GF into the idea by showing her how much buying a truck or camper to pull a trailer with would be. the truck meant we still would be using the tent and we had a few cold and/or wet trips last year that route. The campers werent laid out for us really and instead of gutting one of those I mentioned a bus as a camper/toyhauler. before if we wanted to go into a store in some town where we had gone ATVing we were always worried about the ATV's on the trailer being stolen or something, the bus colud be secure AND storage for them at home too. So for us it came down to money really. we can lay it out how we want it, better built than a stick and staple unit, and its a project for me to do as well.

Sojakai · 01-09-2010, 05:22 PM

Probably a silly idea, but keep an eye on the local sewing/fabric shops for their sales. When they are having a sale, start asking your wife about color choices for fabrics/curtains/etc...

Worth a shot.

C00LR · 01-22-2010, 02:25 PM

I guess I got lucky in several aspects. I already had the bus before my gf came along. In fact it was HER idea to go ressurect the bus from sinking away into my uncles sandy soil at his place. I had talked about wanting to go get it some day but this and then that. Finally one day SHE sugested "hey lets go look at it and see what all it will take to get it running and back on the road". Last summer we did just that and in a couple hours had it fired up and moving under its own power. She thinks its cool and the fact that shes a school bus driver here I guess doesn't hurt either!!
Shes not afraid of getting dirty. And somehow sometimes she ends up getting dirtier than I do when we work on stuff together.

Jarlaxle · 01-23-2010, 12:41 PM

Not an issue here...Liz was as enthusiastic about this as I was.

She has mentioned the next bus will have power steering, though!

thesaltydog24 · 01-23-2010, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jarlaxle

Not an issue here...Liz was as enthusiastic about this as I was.

She has mentioned the next bus will have power steering, though!

Lucky you!!

I thought I was starting to sway her then she kicked my hopes and dreams down the drain.

Chris

Wannabe · 03-12-2010, 02:18 PM

If she is against the bus,ask her what she doesn't like about the bus and why. Was she in on the decision to buy the bus? Or did you just buy it without consulting her? Is she concerned about the money - the investment in the bus. Is she doing without because of the bus? What about decorating it? Get her involved in the color choices of the bus. Ask her opinion. Does she like camping? I love camping. If I had to do all the work, I would hate camping; but my hubby does all the cooking when we are out camping. Maybe, she resents the time you spend on the bus. My hubby and I talk about everything when it comes to the bus - but that's just me. That kind of stuff interests me, besides we have outgrown our camper. Ask her and listen to her ( it's called conversation )

. She just might come around later.

jkindt · 03-12-2010, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mightybus

Just politely say " That'll be enough of that bad attitude Mrs." "you're just going to have to lose the bad attitude."

Ha! If I ever said this to my wife, she would consider me the 'bad attitude' and she may lose me!!!

lornaschinske · 03-12-2010, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jkindt

Ha! If I ever said this to my wife, she would consider me the 'bad attitude' and she may lose me!!!

She might "accidently" leave you in a rest stop! I only did that once and it just just a coincidence that David had been bugging be about my driving or rather how fast I was driving. That's my story and I;m sticking to it!

jkindt · 03-13-2010, 12:21 AM

I guess I have it easy...after my wife spent the afternoon sanding the outside of the bus getting ready for primer, I found her sitting in the bus chilling out and wanting to take it out and spend the weekend in it. I just had to remind her that it is still March and we live in Canada...oh, and the bus has no insulation or heater in it yet.

lornaschinske · 03-13-2010, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jkindt

...I just had to remind her that it is still March and we live in Canada...oh, and the bus has no insulation or heater in it yet.

Shared warmth???

Papabear · 03-15-2010, 11:15 AM

I bought my bus about 7 months before I broke it out to the little lady. I hid it at a local rv storage (two blocks from the house) for months, and snuck away to work on it when I could. When I finally told her (and she dosn't swear often) she asked "are you a F****ng idiot? Then she would'nt let me bring it home. I finally did, and worked on it throughout the summer, and got a lot of the interior done. When she finally came out and looked at it, inside and out, she started warming up to the idea. Now she is involved with the color and decorating aspect. She says most of it is built for a man, but she can live with it.
Some things I stressed were:
* I'm at home working on a project, not drinking in a bar everynight and coming home to slap the family around.
* We both have hobbies that each of us enjoy and alot money monthly for those hobbies. This is mine for now.
* The difference in safety and cost between a self converted bus (That is done right) and a 150,000 plus class A
* We both require time alone now and again. I can do this, still be productive and be right out the back door.
* I could sit on my nuts, watch TV and ask for you to get me another cold one. Instead I'm doing something creative. Though I still ask her to get me another cold one

* It will give me a warm place to sleep in case I'm ever in the "Dog House"
*You fill in your own specifics.
I would say conversation is an important key. Good luck with your venture and hope she comes around, or at least let's you finish the build and drive it around. Maybe she'll get curious enough to come along and maybe enjoy it.

Diesel Dan · 03-15-2010, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesaltydog24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jarlaxle

Not an issue here...Liz was as enthusiastic about this as I was.

She has mentioned the next bus will have power steering, though!

Lucky you!!

I thought I was starting to sway her then she kicked my hopes and dreams down the drain.

Chris

Aww! That's so sad!

I was actually in the same situation not long ago. I thought it was all over. The whole bus idea had been squashed. I was really bummed/depressed. But as it turned out, my wife just needed time to let the idea sink in; and there needed to be some negotiation about the size of the bus. I think a large part of these dilemmas is the nature of your relationship and how you communicate. My wife and I have different decision making styles: she takes a long time, and I want to decide quickly and move ahead.

She really views this as "my" project, and sometimes grumbles when I need her help with something, but to one of Papa Bear's points, at least I'm at home engaged in productive activity instead of out partying with the guys. Also, my last obsession was motorcycles, so at least this one is safer.

Finally, my wife and I each have traits that the other finds annoying and interests that are not shared. She knows I have a need to build/fix stuff, and I know these projects are often of little or no interest to her. The same thing applies in reverse with some of her interests. As the bus takes shape she is a little more engaged and interested, but she will never share my level of enthusiasm. One thing that helps is that we each enjoy time to ourselves, and so long as my bus work doesn't interfere with family stuff, there is no conflict there. Most of my work is done at night after the kids are asleep. By that hour my wife wants to have some time to herself, and has little energy, but after a cup of coffee I usually get my second wind and I'm ready to head out and get some work done.

So overall I think it's a matter of finding out what it is about the bus idea that is problematic for the partner, and then see if a satisfactory compromise can be negotiated where everyone's needs get met.

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