Reluctant Spouse

[The-Breeze]

I've been mulling this dilemma over in my head since I first read it and I had many ideas come to mind. However, of all the ideas, the one that stuck the most is:

Possibly, this is not the time for you to work on this. If you can't come up with a strong enough point of view to get him to even consider it, then maybe this "dream" you have should stay just that...a dream.

If, you feel strongly that this should become a reality, then you might want to think hard on one of the many reasons we all have for doing what we're doing (reading the various stories on here will give you the many reasons why this is so without beating a ).

You may want to spend a bit of time finding out why he is not interested and/or what may be the winning ticket on what to say to get him to agree.

If animals are the main point of contention for him, you just might have to decide what is more important to you. We are planning on going full time and because of that we have to find a home for our 5 year old cat who would just be plain miserable and unhappy with the idea (yes, that brings tears to my eyes and makes me very sad).

Animals, like people, adjust and there just may be someone out there that can give them the love they are use too.

I personally feel that those people that are wanting and/or doing this because they feel it be so much cheaper and easier to live, really need to make a nice, long list of all of the expenses that you will need to be responsible for. And also the fact that you can put off doing things to a house that need done until you can get around to it and/or raise the money to do the work and that will not be an option when your stranded on the side of a highway.

[Otter]

I keep wanting to "Like" comments on this thread, then I remember I'm not on FaceBook...

Good advice from so many!

I will have to ease into this, apparently, for several reasons. Perhaps me and the iguana will go by ourselves... ;)

[M1031A1]

Same here! She's actually doing MORE research than I am! However, being a formerly ASE certified diesel mechanic she leaves the final decision on which one to get to me although she has set certain parameters with her expectations...... Thomas diesel pusher with 40' of build space and not the inverted roof.......

[HolyBus]

Breeze and Otter, great that you are thinking this thru. It makes me take a second look at things to see what you had to say.

[EastCoastCB]

Thats a small space for so many animals.
To me it would be too much like a small, crowded pet store. I doubt the animals would prefer bus life.
I have a car that's 17 years old. I'm not going to make him live in a bus. My other two cats would love it but the oldest one it would probably not be good for.

[c_hasbeen]

If it is your dream, you should pursue it.

Your life is about your life, dream it and dream it big.

[SassyLass]

Originally Posted by EastCoastCB

I have a car that's 17 years old. I'm not going to make him live in a bus.

Thank you for the chuckle EastCoast! Took me a bit to figure out 'he' was a cat.

[EastCoastCB]

Dang it, funny typo.
My car is 50 this year!

[The-Breeze]

Life is about being able to dream and work towards making it come true when life is only about you.

When you marry, you are buying into a life where you share your dreams and/or work creating new together. If your spouse doesn't share that dream you love, you should work on coming up with another dream together.

As I think East Coast said (sorry and correct me if I'm wrong) you might want to look at working towards a mobile vacation home and see what transpires from there.

I, like most others here are pleased that they are able to make their dream come true and I, personally am very happy that my spouse is willing to chuck it all and go full timing as my dream goes.

I started out planning to be full timers and selling off everything we have & just hit the road & go. Since then I still have those same thoughts, but are not as quick to selling our home and now plan to spend many months locally just checking out the water. I think David, Lorna's husband dying has opened my eyes up. If all goes well, off we'll go...if things don't go as we hope then we will have a home to return to whether it's to live in or park at while we work at coming up with another dream.

[taskswap]

I'm on my third marriage, and learned some important lessons. Love is love. Marriage is a business contract. There's love involved if you're doing it right, but also a LOT of business - sharing money, homes, vehicles, "stuff", responsibilities, and lots more.

It's gotta work for both of you. If it doesn't, it's not gonna work for either of you.

My wife's into Skoolies but not some aspects like composting toilets. I love the project, she just wants to hit the road. We talk it out and make it work.

Talk it out, and make it work. If she's still not into it, either Skoolies aren't right for you or she isn't, but something's gotta give. Personally I'd pick the woman over the vehicle but only if she doesn't look like nat_ster's ex (or mine!) Brrrr!

I gave up a freaking AWESOME Cozy MKIV airplane because it wasn't gonna work for my wife and new family of 5 kids. I'm totally at peace with it - it was 100% the right choice.

[milkmania]

Originally Posted by taskswap

I'm on my third marriage, and learned some important lessons. Love is love. Marriage is a business contract. There's love involved if you're doing it right, but also a LOT of business - sharing money, homes, vehicles, "stuff", responsibilities, and lots more.

It's gotta work for both of you. If it doesn't, it's not gonna work for either of you.

My wife's into Skoolies but not some aspects like composting toilets. I love the project, she just wants to hit the road. We talk it out and make it work.

Talk it out, and make it work. If she's still not into it, either Skoolies aren't right for you or she isn't, but something's gotta give. Personally I'd pick the woman over the vehicle but only if she doesn't look like nat_ster's ex (or mine!) Brrrr!

I gave up a freaking AWESOME Cozy MKIV airplane because it wasn't gonna work for my wife and new family of 5 kids. I'm totally at peace with it - it was 100% the right choice.

Good advise!
Just divorced April 17th and neither of US wanted it.....
(13 y/o step monster didn't want it to work)

[The-Breeze]

Just divorced April 17th and neither of US wanted it.....
(13 y/o step monster didn't want it to work)

Oh....you don't even want to get me started on that. Luckily have not had to experience first hand but know of tooooo many who have had that problem.

When did they make it illegal to just "take them out back and shoot them"?

[milkmania]

Originally Posted by The-Breeze

Just divorced April 17th and neither of US wanted it.....
(13 y/o step monster didn't want it to work)

Oh....you don't even want to get me started on that. Luckily have not had to experience first hand but know of tooooo many who have had that problem.

When did they make it illegal to just "take them out back and shoot them"?

shotgun marriage lasted 25 years... 2 wonderful lids and another 1
divorced for 5 years, said never again!
Till I met HER!!!
(she had 2 kids, a good son and a step-monster)
divorced before 2 years were up.

now, I'm ready to take to the road when my son graduates next year.
I'm gonna name my bus "The Empty Nest Bachelor"


edit:
I've got a friend in Waynesville Ga, and I'm really wanting to go see her

[c_hasbeen]

Perhaps we have to address this in a way not to include divorce, I think OP is interested in having her hubby be part of the new HER!


follow your heart

skoolies are about the individual.

thanks
Cliff

[Otter]

Originally Posted by c_hasbeen

Perhaps we have to address this in a way not to include divorce, I think OP is interested in having her hubby be part of the new HER!


follow your heart

skoolies are about the individual.

thanks
Cliff

I'm partly doing this quote thing as an experiment to see if I can figure out how to include quotes in my comments...

At this point, even though this house has been in my family for several generations, I'm half ready to get that bus and let him have the house! Or not... assuming he can compromise.

Speaking of which, today I thought of a compromise. I'm sure he still won't like it, but given the fact that I am ready to dive head first whatever, he may concede.

Here's the plan: We'd keep this crappy little house and not be debt free by next year. We will start the renovations by tearing out the existing garage and possibly the breezeway (enclosed porch between the garage and house). Assuming there's no zoning against it, and I don't believe there is (I'll have to find out for sure Tuesday...), build a much taller, longer, wider garage in it's place. Then, once that's done, start looking for the bus of my dreams!

We'd take out around the last 3/4 more or less of the seats, then basically use it like a big metal tent. You know, put our gear in, including canoes and kayaks, and otherwise, don't do much else to it. For now. Do a few trips in it as such. Do a few mods as we go along.

At some point, we'll HAVE to live in it, even if we're really just living in the garage, while the rest of the house is renovated.

Tonight I talked to him about the fact that I will end up having to travel a bit for my new business venture.

We may not go full timers any time soon, but hopefully I will be able to get a bus by the end of this year or the beginning of next year. This gives me a little time to research research research and pick the brains of those who've been there done that.

[milkmania]

all's I gotta say is.....

[HolyBus]

If you plan on a marriage that is going to last (that was the idea originally) than remember he is part of the team. Work together and work it out. You two can butt heads for awhile and still come out loving each other. Time will tell. I went thru a phase (love my wife now for giving me enough rope to hang myself several times). I bought aircooled VWs and worked on them. I went from one model to another until I owned one of each at one point or another! I wasn't going to be happy until I had the next one and worked on it, got it on the road and sold it to get another. I spent alot of money on that dream. How stupid I was. My wife's dreams, well I just hope I can make up for lost time. We argued and fought, but we stayed together because that is what we ultimately wanted and planned and agreed on from the beginning. Commitments today don't seem to mean what they used to. Like I said, time will tell.
Years from now, you can be one of the many who tell about their multiple Xs. My brother has 6. The lawyer who married my wife and I is on his 7th marriage. I just prefer to look back and say we are still together even though times weren't always perfect. This spouse of yours, have they changed for the bad or are they the same person you married?
Just my 2 cents.

[HolyBus]

If you really read all that, I will add just one more point and then shut up and let the rest chime in.
Look over a few of the buses that people have bought from someone who converted and then sold. Do it with open eyes and consider what made them sell and what the bus looked like inside when they sold it. It wasn't a dreamy love nest. They ended the dream and sold it. That is the reality most won't see. We pour money into a bus like some pour money into a boat or a house or ... The spouse is there and hopefully doesn't change. We decide and choose.

[SassyLass]

Lots of sage advice here.
Makes me glad I'm single.

[Scooternj]

Originally Posted by SassyLass

Lots of sage advice here.
Makes me glad I'm single.

Makes me glad that SWMBO Mk II is on board with this. The Mark I model would have been bitching up a storm