Off Topic Economics

[frank-id]

I'm going to New Zealand ...

> Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update
>
> SOCIALISM
> You have 2 cows.
> You give one to your neighbour.
>
> COMMUNISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and gives you some milk.
>
> FASCISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and sells you some milk.
>
> NAZISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and shoots you.
>
> BUREAUCRATISM
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
>
> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> SURREALISM
> You have two giraffes.
> The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
> Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
> You have two cows.
> You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
> The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
> You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
> No balance sheet provided with the release.
> The public then buys your bull.
>
> THE ANDERSEN MODEL
> You have two cows.
> You shred them.
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
> You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
> You decide to have lunch.
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION
> You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
> You charge the owners for storing them.
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
> You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
>
> AN INDIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> You worship them.
>
> A BRITISH CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> Both are mad.
>
> AN IRAQI CORPORATION
> Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
> You tell them that you have none.
> No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
> You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
>
> A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> Business seems pretty good.
> You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
>
> THE BOEING CORPORATION
> They have two cows, they decide to let the French produce the milk.
> Something is lost in the translation and the French 'milk' Boeing.

[DizzyIzzy]

All so true.

[bbkid]

working for BofA's customer service i know entirely too much about the consumer end of the economic scale.

but here is an example i came up with:

"the cow banking system!"
the customer has 2 cows,
the customer opens a cow account with the bank to keep them them "safe"
the customer gets charged 5.95 cows per month for not having more cows automatically deposited into their account, even though the personal cow banker said it was a free cow account.
then the customer sells 3 cows even though they should know they only have 2.
the bank then charges the customer 35 cows for the extra one they sold.
the customer now owes the bank 36 cows plus one for every month that there are no cows automatically deposited into their cow banking account.
not being able to pay the cow bank back for all the cows they now owe, the customer's cow account is sent to collections with an outstanding balance after 3 months where the cow bank charged more monthly maintenance fees of 5.95 cows per month.
the customer is also reported to cow systems so they cannot open a new cow account before they pay off the approximately 60 cows they owe plus interest!
the customer is now cownancially screwed!

hope that one didn't offend anyone, i thought it was a funny way to put it.