Theoretically the shower won't back up until the gray tank is 80% full, but I am not sure how fast it will actually drain. I finished the tile and whatnot yesterday so my first test was today. It was draining slowly and backing up into the shower until I went out and opened the drain for the gray tank. I don't know if this means the gray tank was too full, or if I need to put a vent on the shower catch tank itself. More testing to follow.
If this system doesn't work, I have a macerator pump that I will use to drain the shower tank and pump it into the top of the gray tank via a clean-out inside.